


The Sex Holiday Planner

by Wetislandinthenorthatlantic



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mollcroft, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:07:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1414489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wetislandinthenorthatlantic/pseuds/Wetislandinthenorthatlantic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is filling a prompt from Tumblr -- Sherlock is very overzealously planning Mycroft and Molly's Honeymoon. It's fluffy and funny.</p><p>I have set the level at mature -- only because the word sex is mentioned A LOT (but not actualy done) and I don't want anyone to accidentallly be offended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sex Holiday Planner

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the characters. This work is purely for entertainment! 
> 
> Happy Friday Mollcroft friends!

“Where would you like to have sex?” Sherlock asked this question very seriously to Mycroft who was sitting across from him.

  
 Mycroft choked on his tea.

“What sort of question is that?!” cried Mycroft as he mopped up the spat out tea with his cloth hankie.

“I’m helping you plan your sex holiday,” explained Sherlock patiently. “I believe you are following the traditional route of Molly planning the wedding and you planning the sex holiday so I am, as your brother and best man, helping you. Would you like to have sex in the mountains, by the sea or somewhere more exotic?”

“It’s called a honeymoon Sherlock,” stated Mycroft.

Sherlock rolled his eyes and mouthed “Whatever!”

Mycroft frowned at Sherlock, “Are we seriously having this conversation?”

“Yes we are brother, keep up. Let’s start by listing pros and cons of each location,” continued Sherlock undeterred.

“What?” said Mycroft again shaking his head.”

“I’ll start shall I … Sea … con of sea is sand --- horrible stuff gets everywhere. Now you give me a pro …” Sherlock looked at Mycroft expectantly. “Come on Mycroft a pro of going to the sea.”

Mycroft shrugged his shoulders, “Bikinis.”

“How are bikinis a pro of a seaside vacation?” Sherlock asked questioningly.

“Mummy promised me she gave you the birds and bees talk,” Mycroft had closed his eyes and was pinching the bridge of his nose, “but I am beginning to have serious doubts.”

“She did. But there was no mention of bikinis,” frowned Sherlock. “Do you think it would have made more sense if she had added in the part about bikinis?”

Mycroft sighed.

“Okay fine. I’ll try a different approach. Have a look at this list,” Sherlock handed Mycroft a sheet of paper. “Here you will find a list of all the countries in the world in which you have had sex.”

Mycroft gave Sherlock the most incredulous look. “Why?” was the only word Mycroft could make his mouth utter.

“Obviously you won’t want to have sex with your new wife where any memories of previous encounters might pop up. That would be positively dreadful,” Sherlock looked very pleased with himself.

Mycroft sighed and looked at the list. “There’s a mistake,” Mycroft passed the list back to Sherlock. “I never slept with Melissa.”

Sherlock frowned, “Are you sure?”

“Positively,” explained Mycroft. “She is a lesbian and our relationship was a complete farce. She simply wanted to make one of her old lovers, whom I am not at liberty name, jealous.”

“Excellent,” said Sherlock as he looked over the list, “that adds four more counties back in to Europe.”

“You have also omitted one,” said Mycroft with a smirk.

Sherlock raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Uruguay,” said Mycroft trying not to smile.

Sherlock clapped his hands and threw his head back laughing. “Really?! I knew it! You are a sly one Mycroft! If our childhood hadn’t been so dysfunctional, causing such deep hatred for each other I would hold up my hand and give you a high-five for that conquest!”

“Thank you Sherlock,” nodded Mycroft, “your kind comments have been been noted.”

Sherlock was busy amending the list, “Now I’ll just cross reference it with Molly’s list.”

“Molly’s list?” asked Mycroft scowling at Sherlock. “You have a list of countries she has had sex in?”

“Of course!” Sherlock rolled his eyes. “It only works if I can see ALL the countries that need to be avoided. Not any use HER thinking of previous sexual escapades either. What is the point if I let that happen?” Sherlock made a DUH face to Mycroft.

Mycroft snatched Molly’s list out of Sherlock’s hand and frowned against his protests.

After a quick glance he handed the list back to Sherlock. “Reasonable and expected. Now what?”

“Have you already had sex with Molly?” asked Sherlock very seriously.

“Why do you want to know that?” asked Mycroft, again frowning.

“Because, now that I can see what counties are feasible then we can decide how fast your sex holiday needs to begin.” Sherlock explained this to Mycroft with a smile.

“Just when I think this conversation can’t get any worse,” said Mycroft rubbing his face.

Sherlock gave him a deadpan look.

Mycroft sighed.

“You have calculated which countries in the world are optimal for our honeymoon based on neither Molly nor I having had any previous sexual encounters in said countries,” said Mycroft dryly.

“Yes,” replied Sherlock with a small smile.

“Now, you are trying to ascertain current sexual intercourse levels to determine how long we can “wait” before we consummate our marriage,” Mycroft said staring directly at Sherlock.

“Finally!” shouted Sherlock “By George he’s got it!”

Mycroft let out a deep sigh and shook his head -- again.

“Molly and I are both consenting adults. We could have sex in the registry office loo after the ceremony. We could have sex in the car on the way to the airport. WE COULD HAVE SEX IN MY BLOODY PLANE ON THE WAY TO THE HONEYMOON.” shouted Mycroft.

“Okay,” said Sherlock undeterred. “so distance is not as important as I had originally thought.”

After a few minutes of silence Mycroft took a deep breath and said in a slow and steady voice, “Sherlock here are my parameters: less than four hours flying time from London, breath-taking scenery, and isolated.”

“I’ve got it!” exclaimed Sherlock who was now flicking travel brochures behind him as he looked for the specific one he wanted. “It’s perfect. Two bedroom cabin in the middle of nowhere.”

“Two bedrooms?” frowned Mycroft.

“I am obviously going with you.” smiled Sherlock. “You might run out of ideas and need some advice.”

“Really Sherlock?” What sort of advice could you possibly provide me with on my honeymoon?” Mycroft regretted asking this question as soon as it came out of his mouth.

“I have committed the Kama Sutra to memory and can provide you with a wealth of tips and tricks to keep your sex holiday fun and interesting,” Sherlock said proudly.

“Of course. Thank you very much Sherlock that is most kind of you,” said Mycroft supressing a smile. “You go ahead make the arrangements. Give Anthea the details then she will file the flight plan with the pilots.”

“Pilots?” asked Sherlock. “ Why do we need two planes? Isn’t Molly flying with us?”

“Oh. Forgive me. I thought you might want to fly ahead to get things ready,” smiled Mycroft.

“Oh! Yes, I do!” Sherlock’s face lit up like he had been let in on a secret, “Also, that way you can have sex in the plane if you need too,” he added in a whisper.

Mycroft, while holding a finger up to his lips gave Sherlock a wink and a smile.

“Thank you for coming over today Mycroft. I think we will have a fantastic sex holiday,” Sherlock looked at his brother with a wide grin.

“It’s a honeymoon Sherlock, and now I am quite looking forward to it,” nodded Mycroft as he got up to leave.

**************

Mycroft was dressed in a dark aubergine silk shirt, and khaki linen trousers. He was wearing sunglasses but no socks or shoes. Both his sleeves and pant legs were rolled up. He could not remember being happier or more relaxed.

Next to him was Molly, wearing a royal blue bikini, and a white sarong casually draped around her hips. Her hair was free and being blown around by the warm breeze. She too had on sunglasses and was barefoot. They were holding hands meandering along a sandy beach.

  
Mycroft’s phone rang. Looking at the screen they both held back laughter before Mycroft could finally answer.

“No Sherlock it’s fine … You weren’t to know that all the runways at Keflavik were to be resurfaced and yours would the last plane allowed to land … I know …. I know …such a shame really … Our plane was diverted …what? Never mind where Sherlock. Our location pales in comparison with what you had planned for us …. yes, of course we are disappointed but Molly is very resilient and we are making the best of it … you enjoy yourself Sherlock … we will see you back in London. … What was that? … I promise. If need any “tips or tricks” I will call.“

Smiling Mycroft hit the end button, then powered the phone off completely as he slid it back into his pocket.


End file.
